


Start Again

by melannen



Category: Political RPF - UK 21st c.
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Interviews, LGBT issues, Politics, media - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-20
Updated: 2011-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-19 15:23:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/202331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melannen/pseuds/melannen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Total wish fulfillment fic about the coming-out that I wish some public figure, somewhere, will eventually be brave enough to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Start Again

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for my own prompt at the uk_lolitics meme. None of these real people have actually done these things, but the world would be a much better place if they did.
> 
> Heavily inspired by this interview which Cameron gave before the 2010 elections: http://www.gaytimes.co.uk/Interact/Blogs-articleid-6599-sectionid-713.html

No. 10 Downing Street, March 201-, 9 pm.

Nick Clegg had intended to head home early that evening and spend some time with the wife and kids - with the way the coalition was currently disintegrating around them, he suspected that he and David both would soon be doing a lot of "spending time with their families" - but at around 7:00, George Osborne stopped by the deputy PM's office and told him "You're going to stay here to watch Mr. Cameron's live interview tonight."

"George, I really don't need to personally monitor all the press coverage." If he did, it would be practically a full-time job; they're on something of a desperate, last-minute publicity blitz in hopes of turning public opinion enough to head off a confidence vote. And tonight was supposed to just be some feel-good reassurance that the Lib Dems and the Conservatives were still on the same page, regarding some upcoming gay rights legislation.

"You're going to watch this interview."

"--But I'm going to watch this interview," Nick continued. There were some things it was worth fighting George over, but his occasional possessiveness over David wasn't one of them.

The interview was on late-- post-watershed-- on a special-interest cable channel, which was another sign of their desperation, he supposed. Nick vaguely recognized the interviewer, but not enough to care who it was. He had the small television running in his office and the draft of tomorrow's speech to run through; he put his feet up on the desk as the show was introduced and David and the interviewer settled themselves.

And the the interview proper started. David was acting less cleanly put-together than he usually tried to do on camera; he'd been acting oddly for a few weeks; Nick had put it down to stress.

The interviewer started with, "I have to say, we were somewhat surprised when you came to us to set up this interview."

"Well, you may remember during the last election, there was a press interview I did where I said I'd like to try again, start from scratch on talking about these issues--"

"I think a lot of people remember that interview, Mr. Cameron. That's why we were a bit surprised."

Cameron laughs, relaxed. Still too relaxed. "Yes, it didn't end well. And at the time my poltical advisors, probably wisely, talked me out of doing another, but I was sincere about wanting to clear the air. And at this point I think they've decided that I've got nothing more to lose. Or perhaps they're cutting me loose. And it seemed to me as if the time had come."

"And specifically, the LGBT parental rights legislation which the Liberal Democrats have recently introduced, which you have come out strongly in favor of. That's something of a change for the Conservative party leadership."

"The Conservative Party's stance on these issues has been changing for a long time now, and I think it's past time that we took a strong position here to show that our shift is real, is a permanent core value on what is a very important human rights issue. I know that, for me personally, it's been a long journey of trying to reconcile the old Conservative policies on homosexuality, and their position relative to other conservative values that are still very much the center of my own political philosophy, in a way that allows me to remain clean with my own conscience."

"You have had a somewhat inconsistent voting record yourself on these issues, which has been brought up before--"

"Brought up repeatedly," Cameron smiles, a bit ruefully. "I won't say I regret any of those votes or decisions, because I have always acted in a way that I thought was best for the country and my constituency, but in retrospect, I put a lot of effort into justifying them to myself and to the British people. I will say that while it can seem simple on some issues - such as a case where a man might face death for his orientation - it's very easy, living as a straight man in this society, to miss the subtler ways in which very real harm is done to LGBT people. And as I've talked to the people, in all their variety, who I serve through this government, over the past years and especially the past few months as PM, it's been harder and harder for me to continue to overlook that harm."

"Yes, part of the questions that have been asked about your record is that there are certain issues in which you've always come out very strongly for gay rights. For example, the question of allowing men who have sex with men to donate blood--"

"Well, that one was very easy for me to see the harm, as it applies to me personally; under that rule, I'm not permitted to give blood myself."

In the studio, you could have heard a pin drop.

In Downing Street, Nick Clegg snapped his pen in half.

The interviewer cleared his throat. "Would you like to clarify that statement, Prime Minister? Did you mean to imply that you have a history of sex with men?"

"Yes. I have, in the past, had consensual homosexual experiences, and I've decided it's time to make that part of the public record. I believe the colloquial term for it is 'coming out'," David said.

The interviewer was far too unshocked; he must have known in advance what to expect (Osborne must have known in advance, too. Osborne must have known for years) but it couldn't have gone much beyond the two of them, even as far as the publicity office, or Nick would have heard. Godverdomme, fucking Tory bastard, Nick thought. How does he do things like this? How does he still do things like this?

"You're willing to go on the record stating that you're gay?"

"No, well, that's a more difficult question." For the first time in the interview, David started to look a bit uncomfortable. "First I want to make it very clear that my relationship with my wife is completely fulfilling in every way, and what I may have done in the past has no bearing on my deep and abiding love for Samantha or our commitment to each other. She supports me fully in my decision to speak publically, and we both believe that my honesty here will only strengthen our relationship. And because of that-- because I've always found fulfilling relationships with amazing women - I'm hesitant to claim the term 'gay'. In fact, I think that the media's insistence on fitting people into only one of those two categories, 'straight' or 'gay', has in some ways made it more difficult for GLBT people to gain acceptance, because it makes it easy for men such as myself, who have some experience of homosexuality but largely live a straight life, to deny our kinship, and continue to perpetuate these injustices." He looked right at the camera and smirked. "At any rate, I suspect that at this late date, Britain's gay community doesn't want me."

Oh I think you're wrong there, Nick thought semi-hysterically.

"I suspect you may find that you're wrong there," the interviewer echoed, with a grin, and then looked down at his notes. "Well, my next question was meant to address whether your positions have changed because your very close relationship with some of your Liberal Democrat colleagues has led to them rubbing off on you, but somehow at this point it seems inappropriate."

"Yes, I think I'll choose not to answer that question," David answered, smiling and dipping his head a bit. "Although I would like to say - Nick, if you're watching this, I completely understand if, knowing what you now know, you don't feel comfortable continuing to be my bedfellow at Number 10."

Nick threw his broken pen at the TV screen, where it left a small spatter of black ink on David's forehead. Madre de dio, Mother always told me never to get mixed up with Tory boys -- Why oh why do I continue to find that man so charming?

"I'll just let that comment sit," said the interviewer, not even bothering to hide the smirk. "You aren't, of course, the first high-ranking Conservative politician to confess to 'some homosexual experiences in the past'--"

"If you use the phrase 'Portillo moment' I'm afraid I might have to walk out of the studio," David said, raising his eyebrows.

"Well, then, I won't. But you must be aware that the comparison will inevitably be made. Michael Portillo confessed to his past as a gamble in response to persistent rumours. The question will be asked as to whether there's a scandal breaking you are attempting to pre-empt, or this is some sort of last-ditch political ploy."

"I believe that what Michael did was an act of great courage, both politically and personally, especially ten years ago, when our society-- and our party, a fact which we can't erase-- was much less ready to accept it." David replied, "And I very much don't want to devalue his statement, or the difficult truths he made public. Nothing that personally revealing is ever just a 'political ploy'. But I need to say that I am not simply someone who 'has had past experiences.' It's not something I can relegate to the past, nor should it be, nor would it be wise of me to try. It's past in the sense that I have never been unfaithful to my wife, and never will be; but the fact that I have had these feelings for other men is part of who I am, and remains part of who I am in the present as much as the past.

"That's why I've decided to speak out tonight. Because over the past several years, especially as homosexuality has continued to stay near center stage in our political discourse, both as a rights question and in, ah, more frivolous contexts--" he waved a hand and couldn't help smiling, almost shyly at that, and the interviewer broke in.

"Which you haven't been precisely eager to discourage. If anything, the opposite."

"Have I egged on the press coverage which gives the impression that this coalition government is built on something vaguely homosexual? That would be extremely difficult to deny at this late date, even if I wanted to. Did I always do it with a 'pure heart and humble voice'?" He shook his head. "In a way, the public embrace of the joke gave me a way to play at honesty without taking any of the risks that many GLBT people face every day. To the extent that it helped to make civil partnerships seem more normal and everyday, I can't regret it. But I know that sometimes I was taking an easy opportunity to make light of something that for many people is deadly serious. And the fact that I was safely assumed to be a straight man made it possible."

Listening to David acknowledge what had been going on in the press, since almost before the coalition started, was doing funny things to Nick. They had never quite talked about it in such bald terms, not even between themselves. He'd never dared to call David on his sometimes blatant public innuendo, but he'd never taken part in it himself, either; with the same ambivalence around truth and respect that David was acknowledging on his television screen, but perhaps more of a 'humble voice', he'd simply kept quiet. To hear David describing it now as "a way to play at honesty"--

Onscreen, the Prime Minister was continuing. "That's why I've chosen to talk about it now. Not because of any brewing scandal, or any cynical PR move, but because I feel like in allowing myself to pass, I've been dishonest, and in a way that's not fair to the British people. Or to my own back-benchers. I believe that personal integrity is absolutely a necessary foundation for government, and that in order to preserve that personal integrity I could no longer remain silent."

"That's a very admirable sentiment, Mr. Cameron," the interviewer said. "But it's difficult to believe that you don't hope that coming out will grant you a certain amount of support and sympathy, and perhaps even something of a free ride, among Britian's GLBT voters, especially in light of the election that many people believe is inevitable in the short term."

"Well, of course I don't agree that a new election is inevitable," David said. "We in the goverment are committed to continuing through the five-year term which we originally agreed to, and I think that both the members of Parliament and members of the public will agree with Nick and I, that despite any temporary difficulties, this government, unconventional as it is in some ways"-- and getting moreso every day, Nick thought to himself. 'Agree with Nick' indeed-- "continues to be the best choice for this nation.

"And as for the rest -- I don't expect to be given special treatment. If anything, I would hope that the GLBT people of Britain take my actions tonight as a challenge, and an invitation, to continue to hold me to a higher standard, to call me out when necessary and remind me that my actions as Prime Minister affect not just an abstract community, but people not unlike myself. I don't image that I'll suddenly see eye-to-eye with GLBT leaders on every issue - I have in the past taken positions with which I no longer agree, and I am sure that in the future, I'll continue to be less than perfect through that lens, as a result of true ideological differences, but also through political pragmatism or sheer unwillingness to see. I hope my honesty tonight will make that harder, not easier, for me to get away with."

"I share your hopes, on that score, if nothing else, Mr. Cameron," the interviewer said, "And I wish you good luck in the upcoming weeks, I suspect they won't be easy ones."

"I certainly don't plan on turning down any good wishes," David said, and the two men rose from their seats.

Nick realized belatedly that the interview was ending; he glanced at the clock, and found that it was far later than he thought. And he was sitting in his office, with the until-an-hour-ago final version of tomorrow's very important budget speech on his lap, ink all over his hands, and a mind completely blank of everything except the look on David Cameron's face.

"I really, really wish I was capable of hating that man," he said aloud to the empty room.

****

David was bundled out a service door and directly into a waiting car after The Interview. (He'd been thinking of it in capital letters for days, even as he was trying to convince himself that it shouldn't be a big deal. And it shouldn't - he was going to have to keep himself convinced of that over the coming weeks - because if there was one thing he could trust the British press to be, it was predictable.)

The surprise, late-night confession had been intended to confuse the press vultures enough to give him a few minutes', perhaps an hour's, grace, to get the rest of his press people briefed and himself out of the direct line of fire. And it seemed to have worked; no-one had been waiting between the door and the car, at any rate.

He still nearly jumped out of his skin when his mobile buzzed, barely five minutes after he'd left the studio. He had to take a few deep breaths to remind himself that if the paps had his private number already, he had much worse things to worry about, and he flicked the phone on, expecting to see Sam's name.

Instead it said Nick Clegg DPM, and he found himself smiling uncontrollably as he raised the phone to his ear. "Nick!" he said jocularly. "I take it you watched my interview?"

In return, he got a long string of vicious-sounding Dutch.

David winced theatrically and said "That means yes, right?"

"That means, roughly, 'you disease-ridden son of a whore, I am going to eviscerate you and string your innards around the Cabinet room, where the suppurating pustules will glisten like fairy lights'. You could at least have warned me in advance," Nick replied conversationally.

"I suppose you have a right to be upset. I did want to tell you in advance, Nick, truly I did, but we couldn't afford any risk of a leak, and they absolutely forbid me from telling anyone who wasn't 100% necessary. I hope you don't take this as a reflection of a lack of trust in you or in the Coalition, the only people other than the interviewer who knew were Sam, George and --"

Nick snorted derisively on the other end of the line. "It's not a question of trust, David," he said. "But have you read the Budget speech I'm supposed to give first thing tomorrow morning? It's all 'party discipline' and 'triple whips' and 'we have to learn to grit our teeth and take the pain' and that's just in the first two paragraphs. I'm going to be up all night re-writing if I don't want the press to skip right from bed-sharing to drawings of you in a leather catsuit and stiletto heels, and I don't think my heart could take the strain. Not to mention my eyes."

David winced. "I suppose I could have thought that through slightly better."

"You think?"

There was a moment's silence on the line, and then they both tried to speak at once.

"No, you first," David said. "I've had my say enough today, I think."

"I -- just -- I want you to know that it was a very brave thing you did," Nick said. "We're all going to get three kinds of hell for it for awhile, but I'm glad you did. And for once I'm proud to stand behind you."

"You might want to hold off on the 'behind you' references for the time being. And it wasn't that brave. I should have done it a very long time ago."

"That doesn't make it any less brave that you've done it now," Nick said, and David could hear the smile in his voice. "I suppose I'll be expected to follow your example. Can't be seen to be less brave than the Tory PM, after all."

"What? No!" David sat up straight against his seat. That Nick had something to come out about wasn't precisely a surprise - it hadn't been difficult to discern that the attraction was mutual, if unacknowledged -- but --"That wasn't, that wasn't the point at all. This wasn't meant to be some kind of dare, or guilt trip, or anything like that. I did it because I needed to, not to try to tell anyone else what was right for them. It was because I needed to be right with myself, and as a, perhaps, a start at - at reparation. You don't have anything to make up for."

"Don't I?" Nick asked quietly.

"I know you've been uncomfortable with some of the joking that's happened in the press, and in the government, about the nature of our relationship," David replied quickly. 'Uncomfortable' wasn't quite the word for it, but Nick had never taken part in the near-signature homoerotic joking himself, and when David had dared an attempt at that sort of humor in public Nick had always simply gone a silent, unreadable shadow. "I hope I didn't go too far tonight, but it would have been even stranger not to mention it at all."

"I wasn't uncomfortable, precisely," Nick said. "It just always felt... cheap, to me. As if you were trying to score points with something you hadn't paid for. But I think tonight you paid up your arrears, and then some. And you'll be paying for awhile. I think you've a right to as many 'partnership' cracks about the coalition as you can stand. You've certainly been asking for it." Leave it to Nick to have understood intuitively something he'd only started to let himself realize in the past few months. "And of course, with you out, the risk of long-term image damage is going to suddenly be far more on your side than mine. I can probably afford to raise the stakes."

David blinked. "Does that mean you're going to start in on the jokes too?"

"I suppose you'll just have to wait and see," Nick replied, sounding far more cheerful. "But that bedfellows comment did seem to be rather in the nature of a challenge."

"I'm going to regret that, aren't I?"

"Ah, Dave," he said airily, "What's life without a few regrets?" and then David was holding a dial tone to his ear.

He stared at the "call completed" on his phone - but only for a second, before it rang again almost immediately. The ID came up 'Wllm Hague.'

David stared at it and swallowed. Oh fuck. And he'd been worried about the press giving him a hard time...

***

Nick gazed out over the sea of hungry media faces. Occasionally he wondered who had thought it would be a good idea for cabinet ministers to start to directly address the media. Today, however, was not one of those times. David Cameron deserved everything he got for scheduling that interview the night before Nick had a press conference at 9 AM.

Nick folded his arms on the podium and waited for the quiet before he spoke, and then:

"I know you are all waiting to hear an explanation of our most recent deficit-reduction strategies," he said. "But I think some of you may also be aware of the Prime Minister's recent revelations about his personal life--"

There's an irrepressible ripple of noise among the assembled press.

"I don't, and I know the Prime Minister will agree with me here, wish to let that interfere with the real work of government. Therefore I'm going to make a very brief statement now, and then move on to the real business of this press conference, and I will ask that questions afterward also be confined to budget issues."

They're unhappy with that, but eager enough for the statement that they let Nick continue: "First, both I personally and the Liberal Democrat Party as a whole fully support the Prime Minister in his decision to come out as bisexual, and we hope that this marks a continuing growth in the cooperation between our two parties toward passing a truly comprehensive LGBT rights legislation and creating a juster and fairer Britain for all citizens.

"Second, on a more personal note: last night the Prime Minister implied the possibility that his revelations, as much a surprise to me as to any of you, might cause me to reconsider my relationship with him. I want to assure him, today, that the courage and personal integrity he showed in coming forward will not change anything between us." Here he paused, and looked directly into the nest of cameras with the full force of his infamous sincerity. "But, David -- sorry, the rule is still nothing below the waist until we can get properly married just like anyone else."

He gave the assembled audience a few minutes to calm down before he continued with, "Now, about the new austerity plan--"

The questions weren't, of course, limited to economic matters, but once it became clear that Nick was not going to say anything more about what was already The Interview, he managed to escape relatively unscathed. He found a quiet corridor on the way to the office to catch a breather and check his BlackBerry, which was telling him he had an unread message from the Prime Minister:

RE: NEW MARRIAGE EQUALITY BILL: I'm absolutely holding you to that, Nick! ;)

And Nick dropped his head against the corridor wall and laughed until he was entirely out of breath.


End file.
